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Stats... Height: 5''2 Weight: currently 108 Age: not mentioning Hair color: dark blonde Eyes: Blue Name: Rachel Pay attention to my blog to know more. Stay stong, loves ♥

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Guys are jerks.

So, a little while ago this guy kept on asking me questions on formspring saying that I was cute & that he always saw me in the halways.. but never says hi because I seem unaproachable since he's "shy". well, I kept on asking who it was.. & he sent me a question with his username on it saying who he was. Turns out.. it's one of the most popular guys at school. A lot of my friends used to talk about him saying he was hot.. & one of my friends actually stayed after school and watched him run around the track with one of her friends. I was all like "um.. that's creepy. I wouldn't mention that again if I were you.." Ha, so.. yeah I heard of him and yeah. I honestly don't think he is THAT cute. He isn't really my type. I like mediteranean guys.. and he looks like taylor laughtner. So, I guess he has a rep of being a major flirt.. and being a complete jerk. Well, the first day we actually talked in person.. was at the end of gym class. I was wearing a skirt.. and he pciked me up & hugged me.. and like my skirt flew up when he spun me & anyone staring at us (which a lot of people were) pretty much saw my brand new victoria secret underwear. lol, greaaatt. My face turned beat red.. & he had no idea why until I told him later on. He flirts in like a joking way.. but it is also rude.. even though I know he is joking. I still don't like it. Like, he will hold my hand in the hallway.. & then let go immediately and like push me away towards my next class. Today, I was in gym class.. and like dying so I was taking a break.. and he came in and looked at me.. and walked out. & after gym class.. we were standing together.. & he was sweating from gym. I wasn't but felt like I was.. and I was all like, "I'm dying.. it's so hot." & he was all like, "yeah, it's because you're fat and out of shape." I was all like, "thanksss..." & all of his friends were all like, "wow, dillin... you're nice.." & then he poked my stomache.. and was all like, "it's like poking a beany bag." I laughed and then we went to our next class. when I went home.. I went on an hour run. I know he was kidding.. but still. I'm kinda pissed. tomorrow I'm planning on giving him the cold shoulder.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

PHS cheerleading.

So, since last year.. so many people have been trying to get me to join cheerleading. Some of their reasons are because I have that "cheerleader look". wtf is that? ha! Some peoples reaons are because I would love it. Some have their reasons mentioning my 11 years of dance experience. I finaly gave in last night! My friend wouldn't stop talking to me about it. So, I just gave in.
It took nearly two years for my to try out.. so hopefully they can shut up now. I am kind of really excited, though. I mean.. I haven't danced in like 2 years.. so hopefully I don't completely suck. It burns major calories too! But, when I was dancing.. my legs got so muscular.. I HATED IT! hopefully they don't start to this time :-/

Practices are only 2-3 times a week.. so I don't know. But my friend paige is on the team.. so we are going to like all like practices together & everything. If I make it.. I'll post a picture of me with my uniform on :)
Anyways, today I am going to six flags with my friend paige :)
Hopefully I'll get tan and do A LOT of walking! :)
I barely ate anything.. except for yesterday I had a major binge.
Starting fresh today :)

Thursday, May 20, 2010

doo da doo it's allll gooood ;)

So, today we got out early because of senior presenations for senior project. we got out around 10 I think. the guy I've been talking to since christmas vacation who has a girlfriend of two years gave me a ride home. we hung out for a few hours. after he left I went over my friend paige's & we went on a frieken two hour walk. I got a little tan out of it. AND I was feelin greaat.. until I came home.. and like binged the crap outta myself. so, I barely ate a thing for a few days.. and it would have been 3 if I hadn't binged tonight. why cant I ever make it past the 3rd day!? well, I am starting FRESH tomorrow. oh, & my teachers signed me up for kettle bells in gym class.. which is like working out to the extreme. the first day was horrible.. and today I could barely move my arms. my legs are fine. it's my legs & ass. I could barely sit down or walk. when someone gave me a hug I like flipped out.. & then one of my friends forgot and slapped my shoulder.. and I nearly died! well, me & paige got some peace tea.. which is the picture above. it's great for a treat everyoneinawhile. it's 150 calories in the whole bottle. I took that picture above, btw.. so yeah, starting freshh tomorrow. I want to look amazing & tan when I come back to school monday. it's supposed to be 85 next week! fml, right? since I have like no shorts.. lol.

Sunday, May 9, 2010


So, NOT eating anything... yeah I would die. Not in a legit way.. just because I would be more likely to break out in a binge.

So, I was eating Ramen last night(130) and I was thinking..

I only really like the packet stuff.

So, I am going to eat ONE ramen packet a day.

I am going to take the packet for breakfast.. and eat the flavor in a bowl so it's like soup.

the, when I get home I am going to have the noodles & my strawberry smoothie.

I can alternate between those.

I hope my mom isn't reading this. She said she was going to do a "check" in the computer because she can tell if I sent an IM. well, I haven't. I have been listening to music on facebook, writing here, and working on my career development thing.

It feels so late in the day.. but it's only 2:12. greaat. I know I'm going to sleep WELL tonight!

I am weighing myself friday. every friday. I reaaally want this to work!


Okay, so this weekend has been VERY binging. thursday I weighed myself & I weighed 108. Right now I probably weigh 1fucking12! fucking hell! OH, AND I WOKE up today with about 6 pimples on my face. SIX! it's NOT cute! I have to go out in PUBLIC today! aghhh. AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO DO! Tomorrow I have school! To see TWO guys that I am TALKING to! ugh, and 4 of the pimples are on my fucking NOSE! I am going to put some make-up and coverup on when I go out... like pile it on... but like, when I get home... I am jumping in a freezing cold shower & washing that shit off! I'M PISSED! really, this is probably the most pimples I have EVER had in my life! ugh, I need my adderal back! I feel so lost without it! but I can't take it until tuesday! TUESDAY! fucking hell. OH, AND I REFUSE TO EAT UNTIL THEN TOO! I am sosososo FAT! I can feel the fat on me when I move. It's DISGUSTING!

Saturday, May 8, 2010


So, I think that I am going to start putting ONE thinspiration picture in each blog thingy that I do.. just for the readers :)

So, about my week. My week was pretty boring. I felt disgusting the whole week. Yesterday & today I do the most. YESTERDAY I had a huuugeee binge. omg. my NORMAL friend was all like, "you're like bindge eating right now." That shut my mouth for the rest of the night.

Later that night.. we went down to the rocks near pawtuxet village. What it is, is that there are these rocks that you walk on across the water... and it is soo long. we burned about 400 calories with all the hiking and everything. It was soooo pretty there. I can't wait to get my camera & take pictures :)

I am going to eat as little as possible! I will start monday since I can't even get my adderal subscription filled until then :-/

fml, right? So, tomorrow I am going to have to like looaddd up on the diet coke & yeah..I want to NOT eat ANYTHING tomorrow. Well, I think that I will eat 250 calories a day. like, 83 calories a meal. I can do that, somehow. I can blend everything.

I know how to make YUMMY 60 calorie smoothie.

I'll list how :)

60 calorie strawberry smoothie:

- 10 strawberries (each strawberry has only 4 calories!)

- 3 packets of the splenda with 1 gram of fiber calorie free + 1 gram fiber :)

- 6-10 ice cubes (0 cals, duh)

- 1/2 cup of LIGHT cranberry juice (you can barely taste it, it just adds to making you more full.. & about 20 cals)

so, just blend everything together as much as you choose & there's your smoothie. you can eat ALL of it, even though it looks like a lot... and you'll only have eaten 60 calories.

So, here is your 60 calorie smoothie with 3 grams of fiber :)

NEW PLAN. Actually Realistic.

Okay, so I got a letter in the mail.. and it said that if I don't pass physics & algebra... then I won't pass the ninth grade! OMG right?! AGH! I need to get focuesed! Another reason to take my adderal!

I have a new goal.

My goal is simple: EAT AT LITTLE AS POSSIBLE!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Out with the old---> in with the NEW

So, I discovered the most AMAZING foundation today. My friend Olivia has been using it.. so I went & bought it. It's only about $14... and it works amazingly! I love it!! It doesn't clog my pored either because it is minerals! love it!

I also discovered new mascara. I don't use it for the volume. I just put on one coat because THAT'S enough to make them black enough. On the weekends if I am going out I put on two on the top for extra blackness. I love them with all my heart :')


TWO MONTHS!!! :) ----------------------->

So, as you can tell... I've gotten a new layoutt!! :D
I am trying to make everything look more "organized" or whatever.
haha, anyways.... :)
I just came back from vacation today. Not on like official vacation.. just school vacation.
It was our last vacation until the end of school :-/
There are a little under 2 months left of school!! :)
I NEED a job over the summer.
For my birthday I am only getting one preasent because it's about $600... so yeah..
It's a canon camera so I can take AMAZING pictures
I am going to try & make $300 by the time the summer ends.
I NEED to start applying for jobs like... NOW.
But, my mom is always so lazy and never brings me to apply..
I guess I am going to have to keep on asking her.
She has been annoying the crap out of lately.
Ugh, oh well..
I am starting this new new thing to eat 300 calories a day.
100 in the morning...
100 when I get home from school..
and then 100 in the evening.
on wednesdays I can add 50 more calories.
wish me luck :)

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

So, this weekend I decided it would be a good idea to color arange my closet. It was a wonderful distraction. I weighed myself monday & I weighed 108. However, I weighed myself today (tuesday) and I STILL weigh 108. wtf?! I have been walking neaarly an hour after school.. but it[s been raining so I cant.ughh! I feel so fat! From now I am going to list EVERYTHING I ATE in a day. Today is going to be brutal:

Crackers & hummus for breakfast.
Nothing for lunch
The when I came home I had cranberry juice, trail mix, crackers, AND pizza! fmllll to the EXTREME! :(

I am going to try & loose 5 pounds over these next 2 weeks. so, I have like 4 more days to loose 2 pounds..

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Natural Distasters

okay, so I know this is very different from my normal posts.. but I have been thinking about it a lot & it is kinda freaking me out.

so, you know how the world is supposefly supposed to end in 2012?
well, I am terrified to see if it actually true or not.. even though I don't really believe it.

but, all of these horrible things have been happening.
there has been an earthquake in chile, haiti, & a tsunami in hawaii.
& then on top of that all of these famous people, & people in real life have been dying. Maybe it's just because I am older and I hear a lot more about everything..
or maybe it's just idk..

it seems that all of these horrible things are happening.. maybe the events will end up to the world ending.. in 2012? idk, maybe I am just going insane. who knows. but that's my opinion. gives you something to think about that's for sure.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

just a coupla words.

so yeah, this week has been HORRID!!
I think it's because I have been thinking I want to try.
who knows.
or maybe I just had a crappy week..
but, I am going to keep on trying.
I will never give up.
I WILL reach that goal!

Friday, February 19, 2010

I had a feeling

I had a feeling I gained a bit of weight over this vacation.. & I guess I was right! :-/

I tried on my hollister shorts that are a width of 24.. which once fit perfectly in january.. and now they barely fit! fml.

I need to start sticking to all of these plans! but, when I plan what I am going to eat.. that doesn't seem to work. so, I will just eat anything..

so, I am going to take my adderal everyday.. just not everyday when I come home from school. I will sometimes after school.. just not all the time. whatever happened to my GW of 100?

well, I am going to start weighing myself on mondays, wednesdays.. and fridays.
or, maybe I should weight myself EVERYDAY?

yes, I think I will do that because thats what seemed to have worked.

I will weigh myself everyday.. before I take a shower in the mornings.
& I just weighed myself which I shouldn't have done because I weigh 111 pounds !!! :-/
fml. this is so horrible. ugh, I was 108 2 weeks ago!! well, I guess I will go & post some thinspiration links..




so, I am giving myself until the end of march to weigh 100. thats about 4 weeks. so, I will have to loose 2.75 pounds a week. if I do my crunches & everything, it should be possible :)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Life's Unfair.

okay, well apparently the not eating will mostly take care of itself.
I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate everything.
My moms cancer is back.. or apparently it never went away.
She has been out sick for a couple of weeks with Pneumonia.. & so when she was finally going to go back.. she found out that she was going to get fired. She was behind on her bills I guess & I have no idea how much money she has left. maybe none.
I am terrified that we may loose the house.. I love it here so much.
so yesterday morning I was getting ready & she told me that she was going to take some sleeping pills to help her go to sleep.. and then she said I love you. I didn't say anything, so she just shut my door.
I got a call from Darcy, a family friend saying to go & check on my mom saying that she had gotten an extremely disturbing text message from my mom & to go & check on her. I already knew what was going on, I'm not an idiot and just know people. so, I went to go & check on her. she was laying down. I pushed her a couple of times & she didn't move. I checked her pulse & I couldn't feel anything. But then I smacked her & she moved. so I told Darcy she was fine out of panick and just hoping she was. Darcy asked if I was sure & I said that she should come over here and check. she said she was in her pj's but she said she'd be over. I didn't know this part yet, so I continued getting ready for school.. & starting breaking down crying.. trying to breath & get a grip and tell myself everything would be fine and that my mom was just in a deep sleep. then darcy came over and went into the room, her next words were startling as she said she needed to call rescue. I freaked out & gathered my stuff for the school day and called David (my friend who gives me rides) to come NOW. he said okay, & I went outside & darcy asked me what I was doing. & I said I wanted to go 7 wait outside for David. the truth is david comforts me & reminds me of everything. he is just a safe person who I prefer to be around out of choice.. one of the VERY few who I feel that comfortable around and who I ACTUALLY want to be around. so I went outside 7 that's when the ambulences came. they went inside.. I called david and told him to hurry up. he said one minute and I hung up. then the ambuulences rolled my mom out on a stretcher. she seemed lifeless and hopeless. kind of pathetic honestly. a few minutes later they said she was responsive and talking.. which was AWFUL quick. but whatever. so then this police guy came up to me 7 kept on asking me rediculous questions to try & figure things out when it's RIGHT infront of him. it's quite obvious she overdosed on painkiller intending to kill herelf.. because she got fired and of money and she didn't know what to do. but, then david came, and when I was heading towards the car the police guy wouldn't let me go. he told me to tell david & julianna to go to school on there own. so they left. & I had to go back in the house.. and see the 2 or 3 page double sided note.. which what most people refer to as a suicide note. my grandma was there also. she said she needed a copy of it. they gave her a copy. apparently my mom has a copy machine. so, I never even got to read it. I don't want to. maybe I do. I don't know. but, the rest of the day was CRAP. I found out that my moms cancer is back.. and that it apparently never went away to begin with. I guess everyone just told me that.. when apparently EVERYONE else knew. even david.. & apparently she is NOT healthy. she is probably going to die. but according to darcy, she hasnt had that talk with her doctor yet. I know. She probably isn't goign to live much longer if she is unhealthy as everyone says she is. I am thinking she isn't going to see me get married.. which I plan on doing once I am at least 24 or 25. about 10 years from now. that's what I figure. & I hate it. I really do. edit later.

Sunday, January 24, 2010


Ha so I just came back from bridgewater for the weekend.
Now, last week I took my adderal LEGIT everyday. & omg I felt soo amazing!
But this weekend I skipped it so yeah I'm not feelin' so hot.
But this week I am going to take it again. EVERDAY.
I will weigh myself at the end of the week.
But, omg.
Have you every heard of fat-free 25 calorie turkey bologna?! I have & it's amazing<333
So yeah, I haven't been on a strict program in a while. But, I think I am going to start that again since I have more variety.

I will have a slice of Bologna(25 cals)
This amazing splenda hot chocolatte I found (25 cals) twice a day
A special K bar (90 calories)
Lipton Ice tea with antioxidants( O cals )
& so altogether thats 140 calories a day.
thats not a lot at all because of the things I am eating.

But, I am also taking my adderal twice a day except wednesday night to give myself a break.. wish me luck :p

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

New look

I am going to get a new look. I do have some pieces already but like whenever I go shopping I will buy only those types of clothes.
Like, I can still buy some stuff from hollister & everything.
But, I want to lean toward the more edgy girly side of things.
Like, I am going to start shopping at forever21 a lot more often & I bought my first pair of skinny jeans & a pair of mocassins. I just looovee the look so much. I really do. So yeah.
This will be going into more of an affect next year because this year I am not even probably going to get anymore money until spring... & then I wont be THAT edgy because it's the summer & dark clothes don't really work then. But, next fall & winter... CAN'T WAIT. But, I think I am going to try & save up like $100 before winter is over & buy a whole bunch of new edgy stuff in like march. haha :p