I HATE MY LIFE

I hate my life so much! yesterday was thanksgiving & when I ate dinner I really didnt care because I didnt eat anything else that day and I weighed like 106. But, then desert came and I ate so much! 3 slices of pie and ice cream! omg! & today was not as horrible but still bad! I hate a potato, chicken and noodles, and cereal! its so many calories! omg. so tomorrow I am going to take my adderal...and sunday and like everyday. arg. I am such a fatass! & I am supposed to be going shopping sunday! its friday night! well, I am starting something up again. hello?! only a serving of cereal a day and a serving of milk. which willl be like 200 calories a day. but, the cereal has like 13 grams of fiber per serving. so yeaah. I hate myself so much!

christmas

So, for christmas I have everything planned out. from this mom I am going to ask for:

- this expensive hair straightener
- sephora Gift Card
- these american eagel shoes
- & a black norht face fleece

I am only asking for this much from this mom because the hair striaghtener and fleece are like really expensive! maybe I will even change my mind and not ask for the fleece...and ask for something different. who knows. maybe I will ask for a gift card to a clothing place? I guess not...because when I get money from everyone else...that's when I buy a whole bunch of clothes.

Well, last year from my other mom...she gives me $200 for christmas and then my relatives give me money. Last year I probably got $400 all-together...but this year I am estimating around $300. so yeaah...I will have $300 to spend on new clothes...which is okay I guess. ha. It actually deffinately is. and it will be my own money so I can buy expensive things if I want...right now I am going to go on these websites and see how much I can get for $300...hold on.

probably like 2 new pair of jeans...which will probably be like $60 each...so thats like $120 so thats like $180 left for other clothing items.
I will probably want a belt...so thats like $40...so I would have...$140 left for shrits? urg...that's like NOT enough. Oh well, I'll see what I can do with that. hold on...

so idk. I MIGHT get a belt...but I will probably end up not getting one. who knows.
but, lets just say I do...then I will leave $260 to buy things at the expensive stores...then I will leave like $40 to go to like forever21 and charlotte russe...but if I don't find anything I like (which I don't think I will) I will just spend my money wherever.

or, you know what? it is so far away idk why I am thinking of this now...but like I will have like $300 to spend wherever I want to find cute things. there you go! ha.

Blonde hair

So, I have been on and off with taking my adderal. But, starting tomorrow I am going to take my adderal everyday. literally...except on thanksgiving of course. or maybe then also...who knows. But, I reaally want to dye my hair blonde over christmas vacation & I know that if I died it blonde at this weight I would look REALLY GROSS! so, I really want to loose at least 5 pounds before this month is over. so yeah...5 pounds in about 11 days...and then I will have like a month to loose 8 more pounds before christmas vacation. I really don't care if my clothes get big on me...because there is only 6 more weeks until christmas vacation. Or, maybe I will just buy amazing make-up and clothes...then during the summer I will dye my hair blonde. that makes more sense. Also, I think I may be a bit to young to dye my hair that blonde...just I will wait until over the summer. But, I still want to be a size 0 for christmas shopping. I am going to buy amazing make-up to make me look flawless...and maybe I will even buy a natural hair lightener that is in shampoo...who knows. But, yeah I really want to loose weight! I really really do! I am going to weigh myself everyday starting monday. so, monday I will weigh myself...then I will weigh myself everyday after that. And, I will post it here. The embarassment after a binge will help to NOT binge again. I mean, I just really want my thighs to be thinner! so if I loose 10 pounds that should solve it...and then another couple more for my stomache. yeaah..this is going to be a long journey but completely worth it!

for a cause

okay so the last time I weighed myself I weigh 107. I have no idea how much I weigh right now...but I am going to weigh myself wednesday. When I weigh myself I will probably only be 105 because I probably gained 2 pounds this weekend. I haven't been good at all. but anyways, I am going shopping tomorrow. yay. my clothes are getting big.
But, I have taken pictures of myself recently and my face has been EXTREMELY puffy and bloated looking! I think its from these damn carbs whever I binge.
So, now I really have something to look forward too. my face will be thinner! I hate how puffy it is:/
I still hate my body but yeah.
& so up until january I am thinking...

TOTAL TRANSFORMATION:

I am going to take my adderal like everyday no exceptions except for sundays. That's my break day. So, I am thinking that even if I stick to it I won't weigh 98 pounds until new years. so, I am going to transform myself! I am going to wash my face religously and brush my teeth twice a day and NEVER forget like I sometimes do. And, I am going to do 50 crunches a day except Sundays. Like I said, sundays are like my do nothing day. I need them. And, I am going to go on a 30 minute walk at least once a week. Once a week is like doing nothing...but it still helps. Or, you know what. I will just walk home from school 3 days a week. Yeah, because that takes like 20 minutes. So, I pretty much have a month and a week to transform myself. A month and a week to loose about 15 pounds. I think that's possible. That's 47 days from now. So, 15 (pounds) divided by 47 (days) = 0.319 rounded to 0.32. So, I pretty much have to loose 0.3 pounds a day. Ha! That is deffinately possible! I just have to take this day by day. What I need to think of is doens't really matter if I look gross going through this because I am already gross and the school day is short. Things have to get worse before they get better! & the reason why I said 47 days from now is thats because that's new years day...and the following monday is when we go back to school. & I want to look hott! so yeah. Oh, and I reaally need to not touch my face so much! It's probably why I break out so much. I am also going to try and take a vitamin everyday. But yeah, on my next post I will post a list of things I am going to do over christmas vacation.

& then some...

Okay, so today I went out after school with a couple of friends and we went to this resturaunt. fucking hell...
everyone was splitting because we hadn't bothered stopping at home. & because I don't eat red meat. the 3 of us ordered chicken and waffle fries. I didn't eat the fries but I gave in for the chicken:(
& now I have a stomache ache. I guess thats what happens after only eating 100 calories a day for 3 days...then eating 230 calories. fucking hell! but, tomorrow there is no school so I am going to take my adderal tomorrow and probably drink LOTS of water to loose more weight. because I am going to have to start over tomorrow. I am going to have to weigh myself friday...and I am either going shopping friday or sunday. fml.