I'M FAT AND UGLY!!!

Okay, so this weekend has been VERY binging. thursday I weighed myself & I weighed 108. Right now I probably weigh 1fucking12! fucking hell! OH, AND I WOKE up today with about 6 pimples on my face. SIX! it's NOT cute! I have to go out in PUBLIC today! aghhh. AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO DO! Tomorrow I have school! To see TWO guys that I am TALKING to! ugh, and 4 of the pimples are on my fucking NOSE! I am going to put some make-up and coverup on when I go out... like pile it on... but like, when I get home... I am jumping in a freezing cold shower & washing that shit off! I'M PISSED! really, this is probably the most pimples I have EVER had in my life! ugh, I need my adderal back! I feel so lost without it! but I can't take it until tuesday! TUESDAY! fucking hell. OH, AND I REFUSE TO EAT UNTIL THEN TOO! I am sosososo FAT! I can feel the fat on me when I move. It's DISGUSTING!

MY WEEK(END). ♥

So, I think that I am going to start putting ONE thinspiration picture in each blog thingy that I do.. just for the readers :)

So, about my week. My week was pretty boring. I felt disgusting the whole week. Yesterday & today I do the most. YESTERDAY I had a huuugeee binge. omg. my NORMAL friend was all like, "you're like bindge eating right now." That shut my mouth for the rest of the night.

Later that night.. we went down to the rocks near pawtuxet village. What it is, is that there are these rocks that you walk on across the water... and it is soo long. we burned about 400 calories with all the hiking and everything. It was soooo pretty there. I can't wait to get my camera & take pictures :)

I am going to eat as little as possible! I will start monday since I can't even get my adderal subscription filled until then :-/

fml, right? So, tomorrow I am going to have to like looaddd up on the diet coke & yeah..I want to NOT eat ANYTHING tomorrow. Well, I think that I will eat 250 calories a day. like, 83 calories a meal. I can do that, somehow. I can blend everything.

I know how to make YUMMY 60 calorie smoothie.

I'll list how :)

60 calorie strawberry smoothie:

- 10 strawberries (each strawberry has only 4 calories!)

- 3 packets of the splenda with 1 gram of fiber calorie free + 1 gram fiber :)

- 6-10 ice cubes (0 cals, duh)

- 1/2 cup of LIGHT cranberry juice (you can barely taste it, it just adds to making you more full.. & about 20 cals)

so, just blend everything together as much as you choose & there's your smoothie. you can eat ALL of it, even though it looks like a lot... and you'll only have eaten 60 calories.

So, here is your 60 calorie smoothie with 3 grams of fiber :)

NEW PLAN. Actually Realistic.

Okay, so I got a letter in the mail.. and it said that if I don't pass physics & algebra... then I won't pass the ninth grade! OMG right?! AGH! I need to get focuesed! Another reason to take my adderal!

I have a new goal.

My goal is simple: EAT AT LITTLE AS POSSIBLE!

Out with the old---> in with the NEW ♥

So, I discovered the most AMAZING foundation today. My friend Olivia has been using it.. so I went & bought it. It's only about $14... and it works amazingly! I love it!! It doesn't clog my pored either because it is minerals! love it!

I also discovered new mascara. I don't use it for the volume. I just put on one coat because THAT'S enough to make them black enough. On the weekends if I am going out I put on two on the top for extra blackness. I love them with all my heart :')

NEW LAYOUT. ♥

MY CAMERA IN LESS THAN

TWO MONTHS!!! :) ----------------------->

So, as you can tell... I've gotten a new layoutt!! :D

I am trying to make everything look more "organized" or whatever.

haha, anyways.... :)

I just came back from vacation today. Not on like official vacation.. just school vacation.

It was our last vacation until the end of school :-/

There are a little under 2 months left of school!! :)

I NEED a job over the summer.

For my birthday I am only getting one preasent because it's about $600... so yeah..

It's a canon camera so I can take AMAZING pictures

I am going to try & make $300 by the time the summer ends.

I NEED to start applying for jobs like... NOW.

But, my mom is always so lazy and never brings me to apply..

I guess I am going to have to keep on asking her.

She has been annoying the crap out of lately.

Ugh, oh well..

I am starting this new new thing to eat 300 calories a day.

100 in the morning...

100 when I get home from school..

and then 100 in the evening.

on wednesdays I can add 50 more calories.

wish me luck :)