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Stats... Height: 5''2 Weight: currently 108 Age: not mentioning Hair color: dark blonde Eyes: Blue Name: Rachel Pay attention to my blog to know more. Stay stong, loves ♥

Monday, August 31, 2009

My first full day!

I went my first full day of not eating yesterday! I just had like 2 coke zeros, but I guess I shouldn't have done that because then I couldnt fall asleep last night, so I was really tired today and I ate. I had chiken noodle soup. Thats like 140 calories. Not that bad but still. Well, I am going to sleep as late as possible tomorrow and take my adderal. And, I will consentrating on finishing my paper.

Now, I know that my grandmother scale probably isnt the most acurate, but I cheated, and I stepped on it and I weigh like 110. So I finally lost what I gained this summer! But, I am not weighing myself again. I am going to eat as little as possible until interm report cards come out. And, if I weigh 105 by then, I can reward myself with something sweet, like maybe my recent craving toaster stroodle. But, if I am more than 105, I can't. And then if by report cards I weigh 100 then I can have 2 toaster stroodles. Then, I will see what happens from their.

Ha nvm I am back!!!

Okay so I know I havent posted in forever. And I just put that message up because I thought it would be good for me not to go on the computer. Apperently now. From now on, when I am not at school, hanging out with friends, or doing school work, I willbe on the computer trying to waste time.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Off for a while...

Hey, I sorry I havent posted in like forever! But I am going to be off for a while...like until october!

Friday, August 14, 2009

I don't care anymore

You know how I don't take my aderral because of the side effects? Well, luckily I have 3 lying around. But I don't care anymore about the side effects. I don't care if it makes me want to puke, and I feel tense and like I jsut want the day to end. I will take it for three days, and then get more from my mom by saying that I want to read. That way, I have an excuse for not eating(she knows the side effects) and I also don't eat and the day flies by! That link was rejuvinating. I will post after 3 days and list everything I ate(or didn't).

Randomly browsing..


I was randoml browsing and I saw this site...now this has really inspired me to get back on track! I reccomend it completely!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Holy Hell!

Ohk, so I woke up at like 5, and I couldn't go bac to sleep...so I took a shower, got dressed, and perfected my hair and make-up. Then my mom went out of the house for an hour, and I am looking for a new dance studio(1 year without dance as been torture!) and I am waiting for them to call back. So, I was watching some tap videos(I love tap!), and I just played party in the usa by miley cyrus...and I put on my old tap shoes that are litrally 2 sizes too small, but I managed to squeeze them on my one of my feet...but I couldnt get my heel in the other. And I went down to my basement and started dancing...like tap dancing. And omg! I forgot how much I liked it! I am so happy right now! I am in the best mood! And, the best part is...I haven t eaten all day! And I don't even have an appetitite! I think that is the key! Dance! I can't wait until my mom is out of the house again thursday so I can do that again! But...I am in desperate need of new tap shoes! I will probably get some next month, For now I will have to deal.

Monday, August 10, 2009


Yeah so, I didn't eat for two days(saturday+sunday) except for the occasional 10 calorie jello, but today I had to go out to lunch and I just picked the healthiest I thing I thought would be...and it was this squash casserole. It turns out with the amount I have eaten...it was about 180 calories. Thats sort of bad. But, Tommorrow I will start up the non eating thing again. I think I am going to do something different though, Like what I used to do. But less calories.

Monday: 200 calories
Tuesday: 100 calories
Wednesday: FAST
Thursday: 100 calories
Friday: 50 calories
Saturday: 100 calories
Sunday: FAST

So thats the plan. And, if I go over, then I will need to make myself puke 3 times or more again. So yeah, I will print that out and record my results everyday. Also, I am going to try to stay up as late as possible so I sleep to at least 12 everyday. And I need to remind myself that I can't drink coffee because that makes me hungry. So I am making a little deal with myself...I will do this for 2 weeks, and if I am good, and never cheat, I can have a coffee coolada(small) before continuing with this plan. At the end of the 2 weeks I will weigh myself and see how much I weigh. If I weigh 108, or less than I can continue with this but cut out the 200 calories, and if I weigh more than 108, I will have to cut out the 200 and the 100's.

Friday, August 7, 2009

fml .

Ohk, I just got my period for the first time. Here is a list of things that are neccestities to me:

midol: teen formula
playtex sport tampons regular uncented
diurex water pills original formula

Yeah so tomorrow I start that thing of chewing and spitting and seeing how long I can go without eating. Today was a good little preperation: I only had a Luna bar.
OH, and I got my period for the first time today. Woo...
Yeah well I have been crying uncontrolably for the past hour. But I just stopped a while ago.

But, now that I have my period, I hear that you rperiod goes away if you don't eat. So theirs an inspiration. I mean I just got it today and I feel so bloated! So, thats the only plus, that I feel full as hell! But I feel like I weigh 5 pounds more than usual becausxe of my damn period..oh and guess what. I have my period for the seccond week of school. Isn't that wonderful? I mean I do feel pretty normal except for the bloating, the crying, and the wanting to lie down. My face is also bloated. Anyways, the only difference besides that is I now have blood coming out of my vagina. lmfao!

But yeah.

So Tommorrow: the start of the fasting until as long as possible. Good luck to me!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

I don't care if it's wrong

So, I just came back from a spontanious vacation to the cape. Cape Cod. And I just came back and my mom is out until 8. So I had some pineaple and 9 square noodles. I just made myself puke about 9 times and I deffinatley will more, because I puked up the coffee and all the noodles, and now I am at the pineaple. So I deffinatley want to get rid of the pineaple. I am deffinatley going to start that back up again. It feels good. That and chewing and spitting. When I was chewing and spitting, I was loosing like 3-4 pounds a week, because I wasnt exercising.

So, I am going to start this new thing which involves chewing and spitting. I am going to see what the longest I can go without eating(of course drinking like water and vitamin water nd stuff like that, just no food). I want to see how long I can go as a little experiment. And I will be doing plenty of chewing and spitting. So yeah. Wish me luck! And yeah I know I allways say I am going to do this and I allways don't last a day before eating like an apple or something, but I am really going to follow through. I am going to try my hardest to last for 3 days, because I hear after that it gets easier. So yeah. This weekend I want to do stuff. Like get out of the house. Go swimming in a pool.

But, I am going to ask my other mom(so I have more money) if she can buy me a back to school outfit, which she will probably say no, but then I will be like what about a sweatshrt? And she will probably say yes.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Right Now

So far it's 11:06 and I have taken my 3 vitamins(the fishoil, vitaminD, and multivitamin), gotten dressed in my "running" outfit which consists of navy cotton shorts, and white form fitting t-shirt, white nike socks, all shades of blue nike shoes, and this blue trathalon watch with my black sunglasses. I am going to leave the house at 11:30, and be back around 12:30, and then I will have to take a shower and be out by like 11:45, because change of plans, I am going to the cape today through tommorrow night! yay!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

The plan

Well today went great until just now, 8:53, I ate a bowl of cereal. H0ney bunches of oats:(

Ugh! I cannot wait until I can get that stuff. But tomorrow I plan on going for a walk. I will probably just wear my navy cotton shorts and my white camp jori T-shirt with bue and white nike's from 7th grade. I mind as well use those shoes for non important things now since I am getting new ones this year(school sneakers and gym sneakers). For gym I will probably search the internet for one of those kind of sneakers that burn extra calories with each step, so at least something good will be coming out of gym with the little perticipation(whatever the word is) I put in since I can't catch anything, and my hand-eye coordination is just, idk, I don't even bother. I don't usually run for more than a lap before I start walking because of course, its gym and its school. I mean I would if it was at the end of the day and I didnt have classes after that, but no. And of course we have classes with the guys! I mean how is anyone supposed to conventrate when you are focused on not tripping when you run and falling on your face like a spazz? Anyways, I will probably end up going with some type of white non-athletic sneaker for school not gym. In the summer I live on flip flops, but in winter I don't wear all of those boots. I don't like feeling restricted unless I am in new hampshire or something like that. So in the winter and fall, I mostly live on sneakers. Thats it. Usually the same pair everyday, because their is really nothing else to wear unless you want to freeze to death in flip flops, which some people, I among them, sometimes do. But anyways, yeah so where was I? For the rest of this week I am going to do my best with not eating aanything. And I find that when I had that bowl of cereal, it felt like I was going to puke because I was so nauses.

But this is my plan for tommorrow: wake up, spray my new victorias secret pink everything refresher spray on my face, hair, arms, legs, and chest. Then make a half glass of coffee, 2 table spoons cream, 1 packet splenda. Then take my fish oil vitamin, my multivitamin, and my vitamin D tablet. Put my hair up into a high pony tail, put on my sunglasses, try to find my watch that I haven't seen since the 6the 6th grade, and if I cant see if I can find one of my moms to wear that is very thin and very unocitable on my wrist(so I don't have to lug around my cell phone like my mom insists(another reason why I can't wait to move out)). I plan on going for a walk on my own pace and enjoying everything(looking at nothing I have seen before), oh and I have to make sure to take a different street on my way to the rodery so I don't pass this creepy guys house for the millionth time that I allways pass on my bike rides. And I plan to be gone for about 2 hours. Then when I get back I can indulge myself and take a 30 minute-1 hours shower(the plant won't die this one time). Then, I will probably put on this face mask for 20 minutes. And then I will go in my room and listen to the radio. Then while doing that I will paint my nails. Something different. I have been staring at reds and multiple shades of pink for way to long. I think I will switch back to my last summers obsession, this creamy coraly, orangy, sherberty color that came out last year. Wait for that to dry for about an hour. Go and get another half cup of coffee. Then clean my room(again!), and spray the everything refresher spray. Mousturize my sunburn on my face and attempt to remove my 1 layer of a DIY spray tan on my legs(they are now too dark!), I will have to look that up. Then I will make that ENERGY from um I forget the name, but its in a packet, and its reberry, even though I would much rather prefer REFRESH or METABOLISM, those flavors are better. And then...hmm...well I will do 15 math probalems ASAP and I will probably then check my e-mail and listen to the radio until about 6:00, then I will watch a movie(a classic). And then it will probably be like 9, so I can watch what ever on tv, and then at 11, chelsea lately(but only if I don't eat!!!), and then bed.

I will do the same the next day. Woo(:

I actually can't wait. Seems fun.

A wonderful 35 calorie snack

So, this is something I recently discovered(today) that is only 35 calories and it is actually really good! I love it!

Well, get a large green pepper and cut it in half, put the other half in the fridge for another time. Take that half and cut that into half so you know have 2 pieces. Put them in your toaster oven(if you have the pizza kind) and put it on dark. If you want to use a grill or actual oven, put it in for about 5 minutes. After they are done, take them out and place them on a plate. Divide a tablespoon or more of ketchup onto the two pepper slices. Then put as much mustard as you want(0 calories)

Pepper 1:
1/4 of a whole pepper
1/2 tablespoon of ketchup

pepper 2:
1/4 of a whole pepper
1/2 tablespoon of ketchup


Ohk so, everyday I am going to be taking one 1,000mg fish oil, 1 multivitamin, and 1 vitaminD tablet.

Also you know that a large pepper only has 40 calories? Well, I cut a pepper in half and it is on the gril right now and I will have that today when it is done, and I will cook the other half tomorrow at around 3.

And what I relized is that playing with one of those squisky ice packs helps pass time.

green tea fat burner

I think that the next time I am at my other moms house(3 days), I will ask her to buy them for me and I will just be all like yeah my mom allready buys beyond healthy food allready and I do try to go walking but I just really want to loose those extra 5 pounds before school starts. And she will probably buy it. I used it before, at the begining of all of this, and I lost about 3 pounds with eating, so it controls appetite, so I have no idea how much I will loose with not eating, but I am guessing it will speed up the process and control my appetite while burning fat. It says you can loose up to 20 pounds in 15 days, and I have about 4 weeks, so yeah. I am so excited to see what she says. And before when I bought it, I just went to CVS and asked a random girl if I could give her the money and she could buy it for me, and she said yes but then she was all like "Yeah, I'll buy it for you...but you really don't look like you need it at all". Well thats my opinion isnt it?

Arg I can't wait!

oh, and yesterday I didn't eat, but today I sort of binged. I ate a can of green beens, and thats only like 80 calories. But still, I think the sodium makes up for it...

And again it needs to be friday allready! Ugh!!

Monday, August 3, 2009

I think I will start thinspo back up again

I have been reading since about 9 in the morning and its 10:54 right now, so I am going to take a break and post some thinpo links. What is this? Like my 6th thinspo post? IDK. I have no idea what page I am on...so I think I am just going to start on 70. I might even be beyond their. Who Knows.

Here is something fromt that site above which is shocking how much it explains me right now, well it doesnt explain everything, but it explains a bit...

Well, I don't know why, but for a while I stopped looking at thinspo which was a stupid mistake because that really helps me. So, I am starting it back up again.

And a little hint to everyone: yes coffee barely has any calories, and for some people if makes you not hungry. But, for me, if makes me more hungry. It speeds up my metabolism and makes me crave everything. I have been drinking it a lot and I have been feeling like I want to eat everything. I think thats what has been causing those recent binges. So I am running an experement today by not drinking it and I have had no urge to eat anything yet and it is now 11:20 and I woke up at around 9.

As you can see i have paid the price. I have gained so much.
I thought i could do this alone. I can't.
I'm back where i was, or pretty close.. I'm back here, sick, annoyed, alone, guilty.
Help me get my feet back on the ground.
A fresh start.







^this page looks very familiar. idk why. Maybe its because I have seen a lot of those pictures before? IDK...

^I will have to remember to look back on this site when I have all the time in the world. It's really good. But I don't feel like looking at the multiple pages right now.

^I will also have to remember to look back at this one. It's pretty good also.

^their are multiple pages for this one also. And I will look back on this also. From now on I am just going to put a little * if its good and or I need to look back.

^I am pretty sure I posted that link on a past post but I'll post it anyways.