bringing in the "or elses"

ohk, so last night binged like crazy. And today I had raveoli but i threw it up and then some. So yeah. And I am completly not eating this weekend, like complletly liquid. And I was thinking about putting off weighing myself until another week. But I have to do it. I think thats what encouraged the binge. Not weighing myself in sooo long. So I am guessing I will weigh myself and not have lost that much because of the binge yesterday. But I will do my best to burn it off and more in the 3 days I have. And Once i weigh myself I will still continue on the fast,. But be more serious about it this time. Like i dought that I will b 100 on monday when I weigh myself, so I once I weigh myself, I will be like, if I dont loose 5 pounds by next monday then I will have to make myself throw up 3 times or something like that. Because making myself puke is extremly tiring afterwards. I am starting to bring in the "or elses".

My prettythin account

just thoght id post my account profile

http://www.prettythin.com/apps/profile/profilePage?id=41452675

Frriiiiggg

Ohk so since I ate like a ton yesterday and effectivly threw about half of it up. Today I was to not eatabsolutley anything, not even my usual only an apple a day...But i broke because when I am happy, its more difficult to control cravings. So i ate raveiolii and crackers. But I effectivley threw all of that up, which took a bit, and then some. I also drank about 3 bottles of water. This weeked and next 2 days I am going to completely not eat anything to get myself back on track. So, monday I shall weigh myself and continue with the fasting.

And thank gawd for gym badmitton and track exercises tomorrow!

This weekend in mass.

Hopefully, when I go to weigh myself friday morning I weigh 103 pounds or less. Because I absolutley cannot fast while I am at my other moms house. Because she however, is observant if I stay in my room all day or dont want to go outside, or if I barely eat. So I really need to find some super low calorie things I can make in a blender...

Some super low calorie blend ideas:

Ill write more later. brb

walking home from school

Ohk so I stayed for department night today and I took the late bus. On my way home from the late bus to my house, these 2 guys , who i think were pretty hot, were walking on their front lawn. And I kept on walking, average slow speed. And then they said hi, and so i said hi, and then one of them said that their name was brandon and asked what my name was. I stopped and said rachel. Then the other guy said his name but i forget what it is. And then one of them said, we live right here(pointing to their house) if you ever want to drop by. So I just laughed and was like "ohk..." and I continued walking. Then one of them asked me if I went to pilgrim, and I stopped and was like "I'm only in 8th grade". Than they were like oh, ohk. and i continued walking and they were like bye. And I was like mhm bye. So yeah, this is making me smile for them to think That i was probably a junior or above in pilgrim and I am not retarted so I know what they were offering. If they showed any shock when i said what grade i was in, then i must have missed it, but i could have sworn i felt a little shock in the atmosphere, but saw none on their faces. So I am walking home again tomorrow from the late bus as I usually do, and I will see if they are out their again, and if they are, what they say. LOL.

And I mean, before I began loosing weight, I got compliments and hit on before also from guys I didnt know, but never a flat out invitation to sleep with them. I kind of wish I made something up and said I was from a highschool. LMAO.

Ahh, well I am really curious to see how much I weigh now, but i will just have to wait until friday I guess. Like I want to know, but I also dont want to, and feel like I want to wait another week. But I wont. I will weigh myself friday morning. I have no idea how much I will weigh, but I am guessing like 103? IDK. We'll have to wait and see.

Extending the date

I am extendiing the date to weighing myself until this friday. I am so not ready to weigh myself yet. My fast is still going well except this weekend on saturday I went to a carnival and tried my first dough boy(:

Just a list of birthday wants

My birthday isnt until another month as of tomorrow, but still. I would like to make a list of things I want:

- new hair straightener(the one my hairdresser uses on my hair)
- belly button pierced

I allready know I get money from my other mom and my relatives, so yeah. I just want those 2 things above pretty much.

Rewards

Ohk so I was reading this thing, and it seems like a good idea. rward myself for a certain amount of pounds lost.

Well I cant weigh myself for another 2 days, but how about lets just say I am 109.
My goal weight is 95 pouunds. So I have about 14 pounds more to loose:/

but instead of pounds, I will judge in weight for the rewards

Reach 105 pounds- Purchace Herbal Essences Long Term Relationship conditioner or hello hydration conditioner
Reach 100 pounds- Go Shopping and get to eat chiken for one meal( but then back on fast)!!!
Reach 98 pounds- Post in blog everything I feel at that moment. That I am no longer in the 100's. And hell yeah! Go swimming somewhere, even if its just going in the sprinklers at home, its still reviving and refreshing. And have a get together with friends.
Reach 95 pounds- Set a sunday to mee! Tanning outside. But lying face down- 1 hour and lying face up- 1 hour(Spf 15). Then go inside. Have a refreshing fruit(orange). And make myself a special liquid drink w/crushed ice. Then Clean and Clear detoxifying facial. Hair mask. And shave legs. Stay off computer all day. Just watch TV and look at magazines(no music either unless its soothing).

ice cream and sweat

Well, today my fast was going same a usual. A piece of fruit a day and water, no lunch, and no dinner. But I went over my friends house after school and she offered me something to eat and I said no thanks, and she looked at me weird and asked wasnt i hungry? Because I dont eat lunch at school, so i was like never mind Iam hungry. And I had about 2 scoops of ice cream/. But then e were outside for like 3 or 4 hours and we were running around and laughing like crazy. We were both sweating so I am sure I burned it all off.

And more walking tomorrow! Tons!

Me and her are going to this craft fair tomorrow in the afternoon, around 1, and I wont eat anything, not even fruit, so If I am forced to eat their, then I will just ask for a peice of fruit. So tons of walking arund tomorrow. And then at night we r going to a carnival with another friend, and more walking! My ecuse for their will be is that I will only bring enough mney for tickets.

Depression Hurts

I have started taking adderal today , it made me all depressed and I even cried during school but i tmakes my appetite go away, but i nedd to do what i nneed to to get good grades i guess. Yeah, today I know that the aderall worked because I got that familiar feeling from under 2 years ago. The feeling of being shaky, feeling like i dont want to eat anything, the cold feeling of my heart and how my heart felt hallow, and how i almost cried at almost everything but I controlled myself. But by last period I couldnt take it and I broke. I started crying extremly. Like tears strolling down face, gasping for air kind of crying, and I am pretty sure a good fraction of people saw me, but luckily they didnt see the worst of me crying, I was in guidence office for that. I had no reason to cry though. Well, Today was day 3 of my fast and I was again successfull .

For the summer

for the summer I want to get a fake belly button ring to see what it looks like before i get it done.
http://search.ebay.com/fake-belly-ring_W0QQdfspZ32QQfromZR40QQssPageNameZRC0021QQ_trksidZp1638Q2em120

I can look on those links. But, before I can even wear it I will have to be at least 100 pounds. 95 pounds i will feel more condfident to have it.

Here a survey

Age: 16
Height: 5'3"
Weight: 110 lbs
BMI: 20.1
Goal BMI: 17.4
Dress Size: 0-1
Highest Weight: 116 lbs
Lowest Weight: 107lbs
Goal Weight: 95lbs

PEOPLE -
[ ] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[ ] call me fat
[x] say I’m skinny
[ ] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[x] spread rumors about me
[ ] force me to eat
[ ] say I eat too much
[ ] wish I’d eat more
[ x] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic

I AM -
[ ] anorexic
[x] might have an eating disorder
[ ] ednos
[ ] bulimic
[ ] living off diet pills
[ ] hungry
[x] thirsty
[ ] drinking something
[ ] Under 100lbs
[ x] starving yourself
[x] participating in a fast

I WISH -
[x] I was THIN
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn't have to eat
[ ] I could control myself
[x ] I was under 100lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[ ] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x ] I was pretty

Ticker

Dying my hair?

Maybe for next year when i start the year, I will even start the 9th grade with dying my hair a lighter golden blonde. Because I think my colour is too dark. But I would have to be like 95 pounds before I do that, and OOOH! over the summer i should do the thing when i dye my hair and it washes out after 28 washes or something to see if i like it or just get blonde coloured spray that washes out immediatly. idk. i dont even know if i like it. lol

my favorite thinspiration link

http://skinnnnyl0vex3.xanga.com/

also use that for outfit ideas for next year

awsome Songs

craig david: insomnia
electropop: jupiter rising
stripper friends- telia tequila

http://www.mixpod.com/playlist/20117807

Ugh

Ugh my stomache hurts so much. I have been going to the bathroom so much today. My stomache is gurgling so much. Well at least i probably dropped a pound or 2 from this. lol.

Hmm I am going to make an estimate of how much I will weigh the next time I weigh myself next monday, about a week from now.

My estimate is that i will weigh about 105

WTF?!?!?!

Ohk so you know how tomorrow Iam starting fasting? Well yeah, i found a fasting buddy and me and her are e-mailing. we r making it a competition to see who can loose the most weight by next monday, and it starts monday. So today is sunday I ate so much today. So i weighed 109 but I ate a lot so I am now 111. Ew right?!?! So thank gawd I am starting the fast. But I am not letting myself weigh myself until next monday. Because then if I weigh myself and I am like 108 then I will think its ohk to go and eat when its not. So now i will have the mind set I am 111. Wish me luck(:

I WILL MAKE IT

after looking at soo many of these people, i will get that thin. No matter what it takes. And in 2 weeks. That is the max of time I am allowing myself to get down to 100 pounds. Because once those 2 weeks are up, I AM going to the beach. And I want to look kick ass. So that gives me 2 weeks to loose 9 or more pounds. For the first week I am not setting a goal to loose this week, I am taking it a day at a time. That will probably work better and faster.

FASTING BUDDY

I read somewhere that if you make it a competition...like who can loose the most pounds in a week or something like that, then its more fun and you are more motivated. Also, my point is I am looking for a buddy to do that with. so e-mail me at rachelshere143@aim.com to be my buddy(:

Sites

some thinspo sites i looked up:

http://lovelythinspo.xanga.com/644658527/thinspo-real-girl/

http://tinybywarped.xanga.com/701669896/thinspo-favorites-20-pictures/?ref=tb

http://hollywood-hillsxx.xanga.com/701956481/breakfast--morning-thinspo--food/?ref=ru

http://skinnnnyl0vex3.xanga.com/696229632/thinspo-post-/

http://ittybitty-x.xanga.com/696648132/thinspoupdate/

http://forever-th1n.xanga.com/693405298/100-thinspo-pics/

http://littlenake.xanga.com/664358054/hello-babies--tips--thinspo/

http://thinspo-our-way.xanga.com/?nextdate=6%2f9%2f2008+11%3a10%3a47.660&direction=n

Thats all for now. I will add more sites on later though.

Starving

ohk so i am like really motivated right now to starve myself. Ohk new rule to that special K diet i am starting tomorrow(sunday)

I am not permitted to eat that. I dont have to eat that day if I choose to. LOL. I am soo not going to eat tomorrow. I am so motivated.

IDK WHY

idk know why but i have to remember that the new e-mail for this account is ClaraNx3@gmail.com

ew i didnt even make it. lol. oh well

well heres a thinspiration website i like
http://anatips--cutieface.xanga.com/

Forgot to mention

Also i forgot to mention, I am not starting that specialK thing until monday. But that still doesnt mean that I can pig out...not that i could let myself without thinking about throwing up afterwards. Oh yeah, just a recent update on that. The throwing up thing has been more recent than ever but I am tring to control that..

sooo fat

Ohk so I am 109. I need to loose 11 more pounds to get to 98. I am as motivated as ever. I just want to get this friken fat off me. It feels like its clinging to me. Ugh. I just know that 2 weeks will fly by. And here is my new plan....

Well yeah..

a serving of special k is 1 cujp cereal and 1/2 cup milk and thats 160 caloriees

so for breakfast everyday for 2 weeks i wiil have a serving of special k and for dinner i will have a serving.

So thats about 320 calories a day. A bit much but ill live.

Its just that i am tired of trying not to eat, so i am just going to eat what i just said for 2 weeks. And by the end of the 2 weeks i will probably be 98 pounds. An dthen ill only have 3 more pounds to loose.

Mothers day

Today is mothers day and me and my mom and my grandma went to this cresent ridge ice cream place, and my original plan was to say that I had a stoomache ache and not get an ice cream. But then my grandma and my mom asked if I lost any weight because I look thinner. And of course I said no. bUT i DONT understand how they will think that because I weigh 109. And yeah. So I ended up getting a kiddy cup ice cream. So this week my goal is to loose 6 pounds and the week after that another 6 pounds which will bing me to weighed 97 pounds. And so then I will only have to loose 2 more pounds then I am done and I can reward myself with one meal of whatever I want. But thats it, and then I go back to eating healthy and only eating treats once in a while, because I am never letting myself get above 100 until a while.

Next weekend

Ohk so here is a list of things I want to do next weekend,

-Go to the beach
-go to the mall
-baby sit
-hang out with brianna
-go to stores to look at things for my room
-paint

Ohk so how am I going to plan out these possible things over 3 days?

lets see. Here is a possibility...

Friday afternoon-night:
-Hang out with brianna

Saturday:
-baby sit
-go to stores to look at things for my room and paint

Sunday:
-go to the mall

Ohk so that works, I will just cancel the beach trip until the following 2 weeks.

An Update

Ohk so an update on my life, I am going out with someone as of may 7th(:
And I have lost like 3 of my friends because I was accuses of talking aboutt someone. Stupid I know. Well Thursday and friday some of my school was in washingston DC. And they are coming back today. And then We have school monday. I don't know why but this weekend allready seems short. That is of course a good thing so then I get to go back to school.

In Forever

OMG i havent written in here in like forever. Well I have been taking like a computer break. And ohk so I cracked one day and i weighed myself and I weighed 109. So now today and tomorrow I am going to fast completly to get back to 107, and then i'll have a week to loose the 7 pounds before I go shopping or possibly to the beach. So yeah. I think I needed that to get me back on track. So now I am expecting to be 100 pounds in 9 days. So in 9 days I need to loose 9 pounds. Lol. Thats possible. So possible. And then when that week after i am 100 pounds starts, I will only have 5 more pounds to go and then I am done. Thank gawd!

Uhm...good then bad...i thinkl

Well I weighed myself sunday night and I weighed 107!!! Yay(: So yeah i guess i needabout 2 more weeks until I am 98. Thank gawd. But today is monday and I was weak today so i scoured down pickles. But they like only have sodium but still...Not good at all. Ill work it off tomorrow I guess. But not thaT I have about 10 more pounds to go, I only have to loose 5 a week instead of 7, so i can go easyier on the workouts thank gawd. So my goal is to loose 5 or 6 pounds this week also. Then 5 or 6 next week. Then I am done with this! yayy1 But dont get all excited, because then wehn I am done i will weigh 96, so I will start eating breakfast and dinner with one snack, but like very very small. But once I get to 96 i need a rewarder, like a big bowl of cereal, and eat whatever i want for like a day, and then i will probably end up weighing 100, so then ill go back t just eating salad all summer, so then ill loose like 5 pounds naturally over the summer just by eating salad and get to 95 by the time school starts(: perfect