found the public link

http://www.playlist.com/user/46626982

that is the public link I found for my playlist so you dont have to be signed in to listen to it.

woww...

wow. Well I went over merrissa's, and yeah things didnt go as planned. I didnt eat breakfast of lunch again, but I ended up staying for dinner and I was all excited because then I had an excuse not to eat because they were making stake, and I don't eat red meat. But then of course merrisa had to open her mouth and say that I don't eat red meat...so then they all made pasta and salad for me. ugh! So I guess I am going to end up extending it another day again. ugh! FUCK MY LIFE! And yeah like everyone says that now, but it was desperatley needed in that scentence! Jesus! Why the hell can't I ever get past dinner? I mean like wtf? Their is allways something their! ugh! Well, tomorrow when I go to the mall with merrisa, when we go to eat lunch at the mall, I will just get a diet coke. I'll say this line that allways seems to fool people, "Ugh, no, I'm not hungry...I'm just extremey thirsty!"

So far today...

so far today has been going amazing actually. I have not had one single craving yet for food. Although I have been having a craving for gatorade. But I cant have that because it has like 200 calories per bottle. So I just took a shower and at 2 I am going over a friends house and I plan on staying their as long as possible. Preferably like 8 or something. And thank gawd its sunny out today! So that means we will be outside like all day. Which means we will probably be running around a lot. That is deffinatley exercise right? lol. Well, thats all for now. I'll probably post more later.

EXTENSION

sO yesterday as I was posting, I completley fasted and everything went perfect. But I completley forgot about this cookout that I was supposed to go to last night. So, when I went their I was trying to be as healthy as possible, I had a vegie burger with a wheat bun. And i made sure no ketchup or mustard. So yeah, I am not saying that yesterday doesnt ccunt and I am starting over today, because that would be unfair considering the fact that I fasted all day yesterday except for that cookout. So, instead of starting over, I am extending this fast to make up for it. I am extending it to next tuesday instead of next monday.

More thinspo posts

Well, this is good for people who want lots of thinspo. lol(:
I have a feeling that I will probably be doing a post a day of thinspo links.

http://littlelady26.xanga.com/597900381/item/

http://xxmurdermyheroxx.xanga.com/650271890/item/

http://thinspir-ed.xanga.com/697919583/my-favorite-thinspopro-ana-icons/
^ not that much on here, but I just thought i'd post it because I love the backround

http://thexotherxolsen.xanga.com/
^ with some of these girls, i have noidea why some of them are on their, but the thinspirational girls make up for it. Also, I am savings thissite for outfit ideas for next year.

http://thinspo-our-way.xanga.com/610910908/peace-love-skinny/

well, thats all for today. I will probably end up posting tomorrow if I am feeling like I am going to break and or need thinspo.

refreshed

ohk, so I was getting bored of the old gum taste from this morning and I felt like I was about to break any seccond. So I just brushd my teeth, had a peice of mint orbit gum, put some soothing moisturizing refreshing lotion on my hands, sprayed some fresh tropical perfume on my neck, and put ice cubes under my eyes for 10 secconds. Now I feel completley refreshed and I dont have any cravings anymore. lol, thats weird but I am not questioning it(:

Instead of weekly...

I cant wait to weigh myself monday! I am so anxious and it is only day 1 of my fast. I just wounder how much weight I will loose this week, because honestly, I have never completley fasted for this long before and I am curious.

Everyone is saying that after like the 3rd day, the fastig thing is really easy, well today is day one, and honestly, it isnt that hard, idk why. just isnt. But tomorow and wednesday will probably be really hard. But I am looking forward to after that to see if it is true that it gets easier. But anyways, tomorrow(tuesday) to get my mind off of food, I am going to be hanging out with my friend outside all day. And this is my friend merissa and I allways laugh a lot with her. More than my other friends i'm pretty sure. So yeah, tomorrow I will be running outside all day and laughing like crazy. lol. So I deffinatley think that will take my mind off of food, and we are hanging out at like 1 or 2. So then, if she eats something I can be like "no thanks, I am really full from lunch, it was huge(lol)". And if she asks what i had i can be like..."spagetti and bread".

So yeah. Everything works perfectly! And I will make sure to bring a pack of mint gum with me.

What I am doing right now

Well, I am on twitter right nowm and I can't post this on twitter, but I am looking at hollister.com to think how much better I will look in their clothes once I am a size 0 their...considering right now in jeans their I just barely fit in a size 1 and their shirts I am a size Small. I will be so much happier once I am a 0 and a Xsmall.

music

well, for the past half hour I have been trying to post this live, but it wont let me, so heres the link for it. Just some music to listen to while veiwing my blog(:

http://www.playlist.com/user/46626982/dashboard

so bored...so posting thinspiration again

http://skinnyprincesstobe.xanga.com/704047362/thinspo-of-the-day-quotes-and-pictures/

http://sarahskinnie.xanga.com/696544999/summer-thinspo/

http://onethousandaday.xanga.com/603424152/lotsa-thinspo-woot-d/

http://xlittlex.xanga.com/650872264/mk-thinspo/

http://rachael-thephatness.xanga.com/673496324/thinspo-and-progress/
^their are multiple pages for this one

http://xlipglossxonxcigarettesx.xanga.com/672567825/tons-of-thinspo/

thats all for now. I'm going to go outside and tan. brb

DAY ONE FAST

so today is day one of my 7 day celery and gum fast. I am not having cravings right now, as i mean that I feel wicked hungry. So I am going to go chug how many glasses of water I need to feel full...

hold on i'll brb and when I come back I'll tell you how many glasses I need

ohk im back, and i drank 2 tall full glasses of water. I will probably end up having more glasses later. hopefuly so I can pee the water out. lol

Rewards

So, I weigh 108 right now, here are some rewards I can do once I reach certain goal weights.

105 pounds: get nails nails
100 pounds: Get a new pair of flip flops
95 pounds: Get those dark wash skinny jeans from abercrombie kids
90 pounds: new shirt
85 pounds: A brownie batter blizzard from DQ

Can't wait for the last one(:

ohk, so technically my original goal weight was 95 pounds. But if I am not happy with the results, then I can go up to my other goal weights. So, if I want to get to 95 pounds, I havve 2 months to loose 15 pounds, and if my goal weight is 85, then i have 2 months to loose 25 pounds.

But ive figured out that setting deadlines doesnt work. So, whatever amount of weight I loose in 2 months, that shoujld be that amount. Like this summer is going to be kind of intense in the non eating wise. So, I am going to plan out diets for this upcoming month: JULY. No exceptions unless i CHANGe them to better ideas.

July week one: celery and gum only fast
July weeks two: mints and an apple a day
July week three: a pickle a day
Weigh self afterand then decide what I am going to eat for the fourth week.

Monday

So as it seems, this isnt going to work starting this weekend. Their is too much going on through a cookout, to a friends graduation dinner, to a party. So I will start monday. Starting monday I am going on a 7 day gum and celery fast.

Works out almost-perfectly

so. I am starting my gum and celery 7 day fast tomorrow. So of course, this is the weeked I go to my other moms and she allways bugs me about how I should eat all time. So, tomorrow she is picking me up at about 6 and so if she says if I am hungry, i can say i allready ate at home. And then the next day, saturday, she is working and wont be home until 12 in the afternoon. So when she comes home I can say I allready ate breakfast and dinner(I will have to make it look like I ate). And i can say i am full from that big lunch. Also, the next day I am leaving because I have a cookout. So, at the cookout I can say that I ate before. And then before, I will take a shower right away and so then when she asks me about eating, ill just say i'll eat at the cookout.

Well, monday I am going to the mall and I am only going to bring $50

I saw this shirt at abercrombie and fitch, and its like $60, but I saw the same shirt at abercrombie kids for $40, so i'll just go to abercrombie kids and get it.

So....

A red plaid abercrombie shirt: $39.50
Sephora flashy eyeliner in deep black: $8

Total for my shopping trip that day: $47.50

it's just a small trip because I am not actually going to buy clothes until like 2 weeks before school starts so I'll have tons of money to go and buy lots of stuff. But, when I get that abercrombie shirt,idk what size to get it in, because in abercrombie kids, I am usually a XL, and idk if I should get a L so when i loose weight...yeah. idk. Because my boobs are 32B, thats pretty much the only reason I get an XL in kids. So idk if my boobs r going to shrink or not. ugh. idk. i'll decide when i get their. Oh and btw, its not XL and L in juniors, its in kids. lol

http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P190024&categoryId=B70

http://www.abercrombiekids.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product_10101_10851_529049_-1_12150_12103

Monday

Monday I am going to the mall with my friend gabby. But, I just go like $300 for my birthday, but I am only going to take $50 for make-up because I am going to wait until its like 2 weeks before school starts so i can shop for my "new" body in 2 months. CAan't wait, and besides, by the time i go school shopping I will probably have like $400 or $500.

what the frik!

I just weighed myself and I weight the exact same as I did before! 108 pounds! I am so friken pissed off! That 2 weeks was a complete waste! well at least i know that diet doesnt work. I knew it wasnt going too, i just figured i would try it. So yeah. Tomorrow I am starting a 7 day celery and gum diet. Of course I shall eat nothing but celery and gum for 7 days. Urg so pissed offfff you dont even understand! Now i have to loose 9 fuckin pounds to even get to 100 which was supposed to be how much i weighed now.

End of the day report

so, for today:

Intake:

cereal and milk: 410 calories
Soup: 160 calories
3 water bottles: 0 calories

Outtake: the soup(threw up)
peed a lot from the 3 water bottles
50 crunches.

This weekend has been pathetic. Tomorrow is going to be intense. Because tomorrow is the last day before I weigh myself. Which means my schedule for tomorrow(step by step)

Wake up
No breakfast\
Take a shower
Get ready for school
Go to school
Walk around hallways from class to class and have at least 1 bathroom break too also walk around
No lunch
Walk home from school
no snack
go running outside until whenever
No dinner
drink 2 water bottles(pee out liquid)
go on the computer or watch tv
Go too sleep
Then when I wake up in the morning I can weigh myself, post how much I weigh, and then continue with "the plan" until I am at my original goal weight of 95 pounds.

Screw this!!!

Screw this! I really can't take it! I'll fast tomorrow when I can take my adderall. And then I will completely not eat all day. I promise. I am making a promise. Because that whole saying stay strong...yeah thats not working for me today. I am desperatley craving raisin bran! Soo yeah....I am going to have raisin bran. And that will be about 2 cups, and with the milk will be about 420 calories. Woah, I usually don't even eat that much all day. Well maybe this little break is what my body needs. I dont know...all I know Is that I am really entirely going to be pissed off at myself. ugh! Well, all I can say is that I better not eat tomorrow. I better not. Or else.

Today and yesterday

Well, I was supposed to sleep until 12, but I woke up at 10 and couldnt fall back asleep. So their is a reason for me too sleep so late. Because I figure if I sleep until 12, then I will get breakfast ad lunch out of the way and just have to be strong about dinner. And their is a reason for this also, because yesterday was going so well, but then I broke and had a full bowl of raisin bran which probably had about 350 calories. So today I really need to toughen up! No food at all. None, and I will not break today. I am weighing my self tuesday, and todays sunday. I need to remember that. Ugh! This is sooo difficult! IDK why, yesterday wasnt that difficult, but today is unbearable!

bored so posting

I am so bored, so i decided to loook up thinspiration sites again and post tthe links...

http://zoeyxsorrow.xanga.com/704038730/back-with-some-quotes-and-thinspo-pics/

http://thinspocotore.xanga.com/698537812/real-girl-thinspo-3/

http://gettin-skinnay.xanga.com/705099843/this-is-nasty-and-thinspo/?ref=mostrecd
^this one right here pretty much brought tears to my eyes. The food is so gross! My appetite is certainley gone!

http://x--twocars-collide--x.xanga.com/

http://lauz123.xanga.com/701328616/motivation-thinspo--quotes-/

thats all for right now, i'll pribbly end up posting more later today or tomorrow. idk

today

Well today is the saturday, which means I am fasting tooday and tomorrow except for pure drink liquids like vitamin water10 or water. So, so far so good. I mean yeah its only morning, but i have been up since about 8:37. And, I hav never completed a full fast ever except if i was supposed to be fasting, i had like 5 cracker. So today I am fully fasting to prove to myself that I can go a day fasting.

So here are some activities I can do...

Take a shower
Take a nap
Read a book
Search for thinspiration websites
Watch a movie
Listen to music
Read a magazine


Oh, and I heard this is effective, If I drink a glass of water every hour, so I will do that also for today and tomorrow.

so its, 10:30 NOW. i SHALL STARt. Byee(:

This weekend

I know I am supposed to stick to the plan, but today i had some ice cream, cereal, and olives, so this isnt just because i ate today, I was thinking about it yesterday also, but for the next two days, saturday and sunday, I am going to fast for those 2 days except for drinks with 50 calories or less. Wish me luuuck(:

A&F

Today I bought a pair of sweatpants from abercrombie and fitch. I am usually a small in their pants because of the upper thigh area from dance...and I bought a pair of XS pants instead. I tried them on and they were a bit tight around the thighs but fit in the waist, so this is good. Its my own little thinspiration right their, I can keep trying on those pants and when they finally fit perfectly, then that will be cool and totally inspiring.

Some more thinspo links(:

http://frutsell.xanga.com/701894372/to-do--thinspo/

http://skinnyprincesstobe.xanga.com/703415311/thinspo/

http://frutsell.xanga.com/700576788/frieda-rose-thinspo/

http://tips-2-thin.xanga.com/656370459/item/

http://xxsavemexfrommexx.xanga.com/664277124/early-morning-thinspo/

thats all for now. Check out the 3 other posts of thinspo links also.

A layout

Right now I am just going to post what everything together I want to happen for my weight.

Well, I have started at 116. The last time I weighed myself I weighed 109, I am currently on a plan and I will weigh myself june23rd.

So once I weigh myself, I am guessing that I will weigh about 100 pounds

So once I weigh 100 pounds, I want to loose another 5 pounds to get down to 95 pounds(now that was my original goal weight).

But then once I am 95 pounds, I will aim to loose another 5 pounds, so then I am 90 pounds.

And once I am 90 pounds, IF I will see how I look, and I can loose another 5 pounds if I want to, but that last 5 pounds honestly I thin doesnt matter, that will probably to be to get really thin like my goal look.

So my over all goal is 85 pounds.

So if when I weigh myself june 23rd, and I am 100 pounds, Then I will have over the period of about 2 months to loose 15 pounds(before I go back to school shopping). So If I wanted to loose 60 pounds over the period of 60 days, then I would have to loose .25 pounds a day, which is beyond possible. Its extremely possible. So yeah...

I am going to start off highschool weighing at least 93 though.
And maybe I should get some highlights over the summer that wash out within 28 washes or something. Something different to change my look. Oh and all of those new clothes also.

The party outfit

Oh yeah, this is what I ended up wearing to the party saturday:

Jean shorts with rips
Hollister navy blue shirt with 22 written on the side(my new one)
A grey tank top under neath
A thin grey zippy sweatshirt
white flip flops

Havent posted in forever!!!!

Holly shit! I havent posted in like forever! Sorry about that...well I am deffinatley not posting everything that happened the past like 5 days I havent posted. Well you know before I saaid i was a medium in hollister shirts? Well, yesterday(sunday) I went to hollister and bought some shirts in Small in all of them! My goal is still to be an XS their though. Well, today is june 15th, so I have about 8 more days left until I weigh myself. These days on that diet have been perfect, I didnt cheat at all, except for saturday night and sunday morning because I had a party/sleepover. So fun!!! And well i have been looking for someone to kind of go out with after me and my last boyfriend broke up, so of course like the last 6 days of school, I find this guy, whose name I didn't know, and he sys my name and we end up talking and semi flirting on the late bus ride home. I don't think anything will happen though, because their is only 6 more days left of school. He is kind of cute too, well I think he is. He has medium length hair(for a guy) and it is blonde, but he isnt that kind of guy, his eyes are brown, at least i think theyare. idk. lol. Well, he is like a skater/emo type. The bus ride home was so fun today(:

Well I wounder how much I will weigh? IDK, I will have to find out in 8 days. Ah! I'm so scared! What if I only end up weighing 100 pounds? Then I think that that would kind of have been a waste because I would have oly ended up loosing 8 pounds. But nvm, that is a lot in a 2 week period, ish, IDK. Well, what ever I weigh, I am pretty 99% sure it won't be 95 pounds or below.

Just a quick post

I know I havent posted in forever because I have been grounded, But I am just going to do a quick post now.

Well, after trying on multiple outfits, I finally found one that brings out all my best assets. And it works perfectly because saturday is only supposed to be 72 degrees. Oh and recent update: my cousins birthday party is saturday and we are like really good friends, and since like all her friends are 7th rgaders since she's in 7th grade, Im going to be the oldest their. But yeah. So, I look best in long sleeves, and my legs look best in shorts, and my calves look the best in sneakers. So here is the outfit I have had planned out for saturday:

My navy long sleeve abercrombie shirt
My forever21 jean shorts with rips
My nike white sneakers
and my hair down and perfectly straightened.

And I kind of have to wear sneakers because wear she lives in massachusetts, her backyard is like 10 acres of woods. LOL. so yeah. Can't wait!!!!

oh and of course I have to remember to wear my "friends" part of the necklace me and her have, because I took it off like 3 days ago to go running and never put it back on...so yeah.

Oh and a plus on the 10 acres and 7th graders being so energized because I will probably end up being forced to eat a peice of cake on my 100 calorie day! I will really have to run to burn it off. Ugh! Thats the only bad thing about birthday partys.

3rd post of sites

this is my 3rd post of some sites. Veiw the other 2 as well.

http://s370.photobucket.com/albums/oo145/Panniele/Thinspiration/

http://www.freewebs.com/l0vely_b0nes/tipsandtricks.htm

http://thinspiration4life.blogspot.com/2008/12/remembering-sunday.html

http://tiny-grls.xanga.com/

http://violentfailure.xanga.com/588735165/best-of-thinspiration---nine--ten/

http://x9b.xanga.com/e4681a47d4660243814414/b147186228.jpg

http://neverxskinnyxcentral.xanga.com/690580135/make-me-thinspo/

thats all for now. later will post more. enjoy(:

Prune juice

So yeah, i got my mom to buy prune juice by saying I havent pooped in a while. lol. So i just drank like 1/3 of the container about 10 minutes ago and so far no affects yet. Well I am pretty sure I will though. I'm so not looking forward to this but oh well, at least i'll loose like a pound out of this probably. So I will also take it tomorrow when I get home from school, but nevermind I cant because tomorrow I am starting that thing and tomorrows day is 50 calories. So, I will drink it after school like...thursday when I get home from school. Because the prune juice has 180 calories per serving and thursday is the 300 calorie day. So yeah, tomorrow I wont be bringing that 80 calorie lunch to school, but i will tuesday, since its my 100 calorie day.

Oh, and my mom got this cereal that has bran in it, but its not bran flakes. So that has 140 calories in 1 cup, so i'll eat that eaither on my 200 calorie day this week or my 300 calorie one.

exercise during the week

Here is some excercise I do during the week consiously and subconciously:

Walking around in school. estimated time: 30 minutes
Walking twice a week after school. Estimated time: 30 minutes
Carrying books around school all day. estimated weight: 2 lbs
Woodshop everyday. Takes a lot of energy to saw, carry, shpae, and sand wood.
On ABC days, I have gym. Estimated time: 40 minutes

Some questions

1. What is your favorite healthy, low calorie, "guilt free"food?
Strawberries

2. Do you take daily vitamins, if so- what kind?
yes a mutlivitamin on tuesdays and thursdays

3.What is your favorite thinspirational website to go on to distract yourself...?
xanga

80 calorie lunch

So I am going to start bringing a lunch to school. But, It will barely be anything, but just enough so when I am getting close to that point of getting below 100, people cant spread shit about me being anorexic or whatever because I "eat". So here is what I will pack in a brown paper bag everyday...

- 2 stalks of celery broken in half(to look like 4 stalks) which is 20 calories
- 3 strawberries(pretty large) which is about 3 calories per strawberry so about 9 calories
- a quarter of a cucumber cut into very thin slices (again visual affect) about 10 calories
- 1 pretzel barrel stick broken up into 5 pieces about 40 calories
But of course since this is above 50 calories, on the days I am supposed to eat 50 calories, I just wont bring a lunch to school. But I am starting the thing tomorrow which is sunday, so I will bring the lunch to school for this week monday, tuesday, wedesday, and friday. But I can garuentee you that some people might look at me weirdly and I may get a few "omg your actually eating?" (because I dont bring or eat lunch "at school") or a few "omg, rach you actually brought a lunch?"

Uhm..weird much?

Soyeah, I dubed today as a binge day with no regret or guilt before starting that 15 day thing, but i ate a full meal of breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Which is what a "normal" person eats. So at the end of the day, which was just a little while ago, I made myself puke about 3 times. And i know i deffinatley didnt get all of it out, not even close, but still. I didn't want to puke, I just did. Ugh well IDK.

Createed

well ive been trying to control myself for so long so today I am binging, and I will start this thing tomorrow,,,, if I can even let myself binge.

My own version of the 2,4,6,8 diet…but less calories…


Day one: 50 calories
Day two: 100 calories
Day three: 200 calories
Day four: 300 calories
Day five: 50 calories
Day six: 100 calories
Day seven: 200 calories
Day eight: 300 calories
Day nine: 50 calories
Day ten: 100 calories
Day eleven: 200 calories
Day twelve: 300 calories
Day thirteen: 50 calories
Day fourteen: 100 calories
Day fifteen: 200 calories
Day sixteen: WEIGH SELF

End Date: June23rd

Unknown Calculations

Well, after watching this weird video. I found out that the average woman is supposed to eat an average 2000 calories a day. And so i did 2000 divided by 7. 7 stands for 7 days out of the week. And i got around 285 calories. So fasting deffinatley does not work for me. But I thought of something that I feel customs to my personal life style and the way I think. I am not going to weigh myself until the morning of my birthday and the last day of school. Thats about 3 weeks away. So the plan: everyday during the week i will go for a min.30 minute walk or run. I will have absolute max 285 calories a day. I will also do 50 crunches a day during the weekdays. And I will drink at least 1 water bottle a day. I will take my adderall everyday except for wednesday and fridays and weekends. And every sunday I will fast. And the shocker is i can not weigh myself until june 23rd, so i will have no idea what i will weigh until my birthday. So technically, i could reach 85 and think i have reached 95. LOL. well I guess i will have to relly on my clothes from now until then. wish me luck on this 3 week journey(:

Some more awsome "thinspiration" sites

http://tips-2-thin.xanga.com/

http://overtherainbowthin.xanga.com/687325828/thinspiration-for-the-soul/

http://thinspo-pics.xanga.com/

http://xxanasxbiotchxx.xanga.com/699637361/some-thinspo-to-kick-start-the-day/

http://schaqa.xanga.com/696432633/black--white-thinspiration/

this picture is just one i am posting because i am thinking of dying my hair this color...but again..i cant until i am 95 pounds or less.
http://x1f.xanga.com/5b48161765440230999937/b142079069.jpg

thats it for now. Will post more eventually when I have more time.

On my walk

So yeah, i was so pissed off(and still am just not as much) so i went for an hour long walk to burn off some steam.

During my walk I decided to get more familiar of where I live, well i know where things are, but their are some houses like the million dollar ones way back their that i havent been over their in a while. So i was walking and i got lost because i didnt remember how to get back but i was like oh well, so i kept on walking taking random streets and it lead me back to the street where i started. And then their was this really private house that i wasnt allowed to go down their street so yeah, but on my way back their were these teenaged guys who kept on driving passed me and looking at me and it was really creepy...Oh and i sayy wayy back their because i live in an area called governor francis so yeah.

And everyday i think i will do this.

I am so fucking mad!

I swear if I could twitch with anger, my whole body would be twitching! I feel like a friken volcano! I was talking to this "coach" person or whatever the hell he was and I just fucking cracked! He has no heart and obviously doesnt care about anyones feeling except his! Like gawd!!!!!! Who is he to judge me? Ha well he will pretty much be sorry when he gets that shocking update a little over a week from now saying I am 95 pounds. Whatever!!!! I am just so fucking pissed off right now its not even funny!!! I just need to like take a run or something to burn off this feeling! Too bad I look like a retard when i run. oh well!!!

Gum and Water

Today went really well. All I have had today is gum and water. And I have to tell you, water after having mint gum, yeaahh, not the best idea. lol. That combination is beyond gross! And so yeah, tomorrow we have the pizza party and movie and school and I really don't give a damn if they look at me weird for saying no. I'll just say I am not hungry, because I never eat lunch, so it would deffinatly not seem abnormal. Well even if it is abnormal, again, I really don't care.

Promises, Promises

Ohk so I promise to...uhm idk. I promise to anyone thats reading this to be 100 by monday, even if that means i am 101 sunday night and i have to puke the last pound out. Well yeah. I am sick of my fat discusting self. I just want to finally be a stick! I am getting tired of guys saying I have a nice ass. Because you know what??!?!?!?! That means people are disctracted by my fucking body and not looking at my face!!! I want people to look at my face. I dont spend a half hour each morning on my make-up for nothing! And just urg! I am tired of all this! And you know what? A week is going to just fly by! Before I know it, a week will be up and it will be time to weigh myself, and I will be 100 pounds, And then another week will pass and I will weigh 95 pounds or less, and then another week will pass and I will weigh 90 pounds or less. And then another week will pass and I will weigh 86 pounds, and then i will loose the last pound in a day. And i will be beautifully 85 pounds. And it will take what? 3 weeks? That will fly by! And then I can enjoy the last week of school and my birthday. And when I bring in a double chocolate cake the last day of school since its my brithday, I wont even eat any of the chocolate cake because I will be too proud of my new body.

NEW PLAN

as of now this is my plan on what to eat

NOTHING

there. simple as that.


p.s. I will deffinatley make sure to take my adderal everyday(it makes me not want to eat anything and gives me modivation)

just as I suspected

well after eaing all that crap i weighed myself and I weighed 107.5, so after that week of starving myself and getting down to 105.5, everything went down the drain because of a 2 day binge. Well, what I am going to do is completley not eat except for have a specialK bar(90 calories) once day. This will be a 2 weeks fast, and I am absolutley not breaking it! I swear I am not! I wnt allow myself because that week just going down the drain really pisses me off. So I will do everything in my will not to break it, even if it mean going to bed at 6 some nights. Whatever it takes, I will not break it. Which means bring on the thinspiration google searches and lots of water and crunches. I am making a promise. I need this person to sign on so I can tell him that I need to make a promise to him, that I will be 100 by monday.

fuckin shit

well today is monday and saturday and sunday I like binged majorly, and threw up mjaorly. But i ate so much that i dought the throwing up even mattered. So yeah, today I didnt weigh myself out of fear so i figured i wouldnt eat today except for my usual specialk averaging 160 calories a day. But, today i ate that for breakfast, and then dinner came around and i was like starving so i te this 100 calorie ice cream bar, and 2 small bowls of cereal. yuck! well at least it is les than i ate yesterday. I mean this is soo not like me. i usually never binge like this. Well, i cant expect myelf to go eating all that to eating nothgin today. Well, tomorrow I will deffinatley go back to my normal schedule. And I am not weighing myself, but next monday I am, and if I am not 100 by then, well, I well i listed what I will have to do below. Make myself throw up at the end of the day, and not eat 1 morsel the whole day. And drink that giant water bottle full of water. So yeah. I have no idea what I weigh now, but I bet its more than the last time i weighed ymself and it was 106. Ugh idk. well lets just say I have to loose 6 pounds this week minimum. Well my plans for all this week to get me to not eat is I will make a list of things to do when I am feeling hungry:

Here is what I need to do everyday vwhen I get home to keep myself busy:
-read for at least 30minutes
-do homework
-read 1 magazine
-go on computer for at least 1 hour
-watch tv for 1 hour
-take a warm or cold shower
-wash face
-experiment with make-up
-listen to radio
-try on clothes
-do 100 crunches at least

and on days i feel like i really need it, take adderal right when i get home(to do homework and control cravings)

also, I feel so much like throwing up right now but i figure ill give my throat a break after this weekend. But i so desperatley want to. ugh! idk what to do. Their is this person that i recently have been talking to and ill ask him what i should do, by then it may be too late too throw it up but ill make myself.