I HATE MY LIFE

I hate my life so much! yesterday was thanksgiving & when I ate dinner I really didnt care because I didnt eat anything else that day and I weighed like 106. But, then desert came and I ate so much! 3 slices of pie and ice cream! omg! & today was not as horrible but still bad! I hate a potato, chicken and noodles, and cereal! its so many calories! omg. so tomorrow I am going to take my adderal...and sunday and like everyday. arg. I am such a fatass! & I am supposed to be going shopping sunday! its friday night! well, I am starting something up again. hello?! only a serving of cereal a day and a serving of milk. which willl be like 200 calories a day. but, the cereal has like 13 grams of fiber per serving. so yeaah. I hate myself so much!

christmas

So, for christmas I have everything planned out. from this mom I am going to ask for:

- this expensive hair straightener
- sephora Gift Card
- these american eagel shoes
- & a black norht face fleece

I am only asking for this much from this mom because the hair striaghtener and fleece are like really expensive! maybe I will even change my mind and not ask for the fleece...and ask for something different. who knows. maybe I will ask for a gift card to a clothing place? I guess not...because when I get money from everyone else...that's when I buy a whole bunch of clothes.

Well, last year from my other mom...she gives me $200 for christmas and then my relatives give me money. Last year I probably got $400 all-together...but this year I am estimating around $300. so yeaah...I will have $300 to spend on new clothes...which is okay I guess. ha. It actually deffinately is. and it will be my own money so I can buy expensive things if I want...right now I am going to go on these websites and see how much I can get for $300...hold on.

probably like 2 new pair of jeans...which will probably be like $60 each...so thats like $120 so thats like $180 left for other clothing items.
I will probably want a belt...so thats like $40...so I would have...$140 left for shrits? urg...that's like NOT enough. Oh well, I'll see what I can do with that. hold on...

so idk. I MIGHT get a belt...but I will probably end up not getting one. who knows.
but, lets just say I do...then I will leave $260 to buy things at the expensive stores...then I will leave like $40 to go to like forever21 and charlotte russe...but if I don't find anything I like (which I don't think I will) I will just spend my money wherever.

or, you know what? it is so far away idk why I am thinking of this now...but like I will have like $300 to spend wherever I want to find cute things. there you go! ha.

Blonde hair

So, I have been on and off with taking my adderal. But, starting tomorrow I am going to take my adderal everyday. literally...except on thanksgiving of course. or maybe then also...who knows. But, I reaally want to dye my hair blonde over christmas vacation & I know that if I died it blonde at this weight I would look REALLY GROSS! so, I really want to loose at least 5 pounds before this month is over. so yeah...5 pounds in about 11 days...and then I will have like a month to loose 8 more pounds before christmas vacation. I really don't care if my clothes get big on me...because there is only 6 more weeks until christmas vacation. Or, maybe I will just buy amazing make-up and clothes...then during the summer I will dye my hair blonde. that makes more sense. Also, I think I may be a bit to young to dye my hair that blonde...just I will wait until over the summer. But, I still want to be a size 0 for christmas shopping. I am going to buy amazing make-up to make me look flawless...and maybe I will even buy a natural hair lightener that is in shampoo...who knows. But, yeah I really want to loose weight! I really really do! I am going to weigh myself everyday starting monday. so, monday I will weigh myself...then I will weigh myself everyday after that. And, I will post it here. The embarassment after a binge will help to NOT binge again. I mean, I just really want my thighs to be thinner! so if I loose 10 pounds that should solve it...and then another couple more for my stomache. yeaah..this is going to be a long journey but completely worth it!

for a cause

okay so the last time I weighed myself I weigh 107. I have no idea how much I weigh right now...but I am going to weigh myself wednesday. When I weigh myself I will probably only be 105 because I probably gained 2 pounds this weekend. I haven't been good at all. but anyways, I am going shopping tomorrow. yay. my clothes are getting big.
But, I have taken pictures of myself recently and my face has been EXTREMELY puffy and bloated looking! I think its from these damn carbs whever I binge.
So, now I really have something to look forward too. my face will be thinner! I hate how puffy it is:/
I still hate my body but yeah.
& so up until january I am thinking...

TOTAL TRANSFORMATION:

I am going to take my adderal like everyday no exceptions except for sundays. That's my break day. So, I am thinking that even if I stick to it I won't weigh 98 pounds until new years. so, I am going to transform myself! I am going to wash my face religously and brush my teeth twice a day and NEVER forget like I sometimes do. And, I am going to do 50 crunches a day except Sundays. Like I said, sundays are like my do nothing day. I need them. And, I am going to go on a 30 minute walk at least once a week. Once a week is like doing nothing...but it still helps. Or, you know what. I will just walk home from school 3 days a week. Yeah, because that takes like 20 minutes. So, I pretty much have a month and a week to transform myself. A month and a week to loose about 15 pounds. I think that's possible. That's 47 days from now. So, 15 (pounds) divided by 47 (days) = 0.319 rounded to 0.32. So, I pretty much have to loose 0.3 pounds a day. Ha! That is deffinately possible! I just have to take this day by day. What I need to think of is doens't really matter if I look gross going through this because I am already gross and the school day is short. Things have to get worse before they get better! & the reason why I said 47 days from now is thats because that's new years day...and the following monday is when we go back to school. & I want to look hott! so yeah. Oh, and I reaally need to not touch my face so much! It's probably why I break out so much. I am also going to try and take a vitamin everyday. But yeah, on my next post I will post a list of things I am going to do over christmas vacation.

& then some...

Okay, so today I went out after school with a couple of friends and we went to this resturaunt. fucking hell...
everyone was splitting because we hadn't bothered stopping at home. & because I don't eat red meat. the 3 of us ordered chicken and waffle fries. I didn't eat the fries but I gave in for the chicken:(
& now I have a stomache ache. I guess thats what happens after only eating 100 calories a day for 3 days...then eating 230 calories. fucking hell! but, tomorrow there is no school so I am going to take my adderal tomorrow and probably drink LOTS of water to loose more weight. because I am going to have to start over tomorrow. I am going to have to weigh myself friday...and I am either going shopping friday or sunday. fml.

& then some.

well, instead of eating an apple a day, I have been eating one low calorie thing a day. On monday I ate cereal, on tuesday I had oyster crackers & cereal(not good!, wednesday I had oyster crackers, thrusday I had a special K cereal bar, and today I had cereal w/milk. I weighed myself this morning & I weigh 108(:
I mean its not that good...I only lost 3 pounds this week. probably would have been 4 if it wasn't for my binge tuesday. But, right now I am sucking on a lollypop. I think tomorrow I am going to have one of those for my one a day thing. & it's only 60 calories and last for like 30 minutes(:
well, tomorrow I can't take my adderal because I think my mom might get suspicous...but I am going to go hang out wiht my friend andre to distract myself from food. I will take my adderal sunday.
But, it's friday and I of course always for some reaosn over eat on fridays.
today I have had:
oyster crackers(60 calories)
special K bar(90 calories)
cereal(120 calories)
lillipop(60 calories)
thats 330 fucking calories! :(
well, tomorrow I will make sure I walk around a lot with andre. oh, & this week isn't technically over until sunday.
next week I want to loose 4 pounds.
by the time I go shopping next weekend, I want to weigh at least 104. I would rather weigh 103, but thats a little demanding considering I dont workout.so, I guess in these next 8 or 9 days, I have to loose 5 pounds. So, thats .6 pounds a day. I guess thats duable...as long as I don't binge!
But okay so this year I have an advantage...my school is hugee!
So I am going to have gym class 4/5 days next week. we are probably playing soccer or walking the track. fuun. the only thing I will be doing is walking. lol.
But, my classes are all over the building, so I walk around the whole day burning major calories. & I am going to walk home 3/5 days next week. which is a half hour walk home. wish me luck(: I will weigh myself friday morning.

how could I forget?!

I completely forgot about chewing and spitting!!!
I lost like 6 pounds in one week that way before! but of course I was eating nothing esle so when I did finally eat a little bit of something the next week I gained like 3 pounds!
so yeah, of course I am going to do that & eat an apple a day.
I am so excited about this. I WILL be thin. I will be pretty. I CAN do this.
Also, I am like going to live with my moms dansko drink container. its like a water bottle...but the top comes off like a starbucks cup(:
I am going to be filling that up with all kinds of drinks. who cares if my face gets bloated with gingerale? my body will be getting skinnier and thats all that matters.
It's fall. the first day of winter is the 21st. I live for these winter and fall days because the coldness reminds me that I am sick and I can't eat because I am sick. It makes me feel frail like I don't need food.
people say they loose weight in the summer but gain weight in the winter.
I am the opposite.
I gainw eight in the summer and loose weight in the winter. I just don't work out as much because it's freezing!
oh, & I am going to walk home form school every day now. to get that half hour of exercise.

tips & tricks

yes I know I've already posted a couple of these a while back but hey, everyone needs a little refresher.


Wal*Mart flavor packets. These are packets of flavoring to add to water. 0 cals baby! They taste great and really help when craving something sweet.

Just stay out of the kitchen. Surprisingly it helps.

Go to caloriesperhour.com and look at the calories in foods you love. That Burger from burger king is deadly!

Look for thinspo pics of your fav models.

Go browse at the mall. Make a note of all the clothes you will buy when you are thin.

Buy clothes that are too small that way you have a goal to get into that outfit.

Read a book.

Cut out pics from magazines

Make your own site or journal!

Wear ankle weights. I walk around the house in baggy pants and the weights. Great for the legs.

Start a diary just for your personal thoughts.

Hot showers rele do fill you up lol!

Have a elastic band on your wrist everytime you goto eat or even think of eating flick it! it hurts like a bitch sumtimes!

Diet pills, Green Tea, Laxatives, Caffine Pills and any pills take them all lmao dont abuse laxatives tho!

Drink a glass of water before you Purge it will help you Throw up (i know its not very nice)

Chew and spit food into a plastic bag make sure you bin it ASAP to make sure no one finds it!

Food youve said uve eaten take it away hide it, bin it, make washing up with it wat ever just DONT EAT IT!

8 Glasses of water a day water has no calories it will fill you up and you wont be dehydrated

Diet Coke or Pepsi MAX the gas inside will seriously fill you up buy like a 2 litre bottle drink that all day!

A Apple a Day Keeps The Docter Away!

if you ate in town take the money out of your purse save it as a reward at the end of the month you might have enough money to buy that cute pair of size 4/00 Jeans you want to wear!

When you start thinking about food make a thinspo book/ website of your own, add pics of girls from magazines write your own tips and diets, Gws, how your feelin that kinda thing!

Punish yourself everytime you eat!

look at the fat girl eating and be disgusted that she can eat that fuckin Mc Donalds!

NEVER STOP MOVING! the more you move the more calories you burn!

DIET Red bull gives you wings and its only 7.5 calories per can

Eat ice cubes or make diet coke/lemonade ice lollys for summer. plus the coldness will boost metabolism.

Instead of getting on a scale let an outfit be your guide to skinny. Break out a tiny little outfit and lose enough weight to fit into it then lose more weight until that outfit becomes baggy on you.

1.Eat Breakfast
2.Drink coffee (no more then 2 cups with a small amount of honey and low fat milk.
3.Eat seafood
4.Eat loads of vegetables and fruit to fill yourself up during every meal.
5.Wear a lacing corset to slim your waist.
6.Devour anything that helps you lose weight, for example, cough drops, hoodia or fiber.
7.Never eat pass 6:00pm or 4 hours before you go to sleep.
8.Learn to fast: To Learn Click Here…
9.Read this article: (10 tips for weight loss)
10.If you feel like eating watch a gory horror movie like Hostel 2. Click Here for Hostel 2.
11.Find out how your celebrity thinspiration lost weight or how he or she stays fit
12.Choose thinspiration with the same body type
13.Do cardio for 30-60 minutes 6 days a week
14.Choose a cardio you love
15.Make sure your workout challenges you
16.Use ephedra to reduce body fat especially if you’re a gurl
17.Change your workout weekly to confuse your muscles
18.Learn how to workout via personal trainer, youtube or DVD.
19.workout twice a day
20.Don’t be too hard on yourself
21.Have faith that all your hard work will pay off if you don’t give up too soon.
22.Understand that you didn’t gain weight over night so you won’t lose weight over night
23.Get a workout buddy
24.Chose a thinspiration that has your body type
25.Buy diet pills that has great customer feed back like ephedra.
26.Watch your thinspiration any chance you can.
27.Information on how to Binge, take Laxatives and Diuretics: Click Here!
28.Learn about weight cutting (click here)
29.Find out what a girl must have to keep the fat off (Click here to read the List
30.Studies have shown that people that eat all the same food gets board of eating the same foods thus eating less so eat the same food and bore your way to skinny!
31.Drink lots of H2o even when your not thursty for water helps your body burn more calories by preventing you from storing fat
32.Stop eating dairy, especially milk and buy soy or coconut or make your own milk)
33.Since the body burns water all through the night, it’s a good idea to drink a glass before going to bed and one when you rise in the morning. In fact, if you want to wake up quickly, down a glass of ice water while you’re brewing your morning coffee.

I hate myself.

you know what!? I am absolutely comepletely serious now. I hate myself. really I do. I absolutely serious about this right now. I want to loose 15 pounds this month. the month of november. I am going shopping in 2 weeks so I should have lost at least 7 pounds by then. I am going to do it. I am 100% serious. I am tired of being fat & ugly. I want to be skinny and pretty. I want to be a size 0 and not a size 1. when I go shopping next, I want to buy a size 1 SLIM SKINNY jean. only skinny people are meant to wear skinny jeans. I am going to do this. I am going to do whatever I have to. walk home everyday. take my adderal during the day and after school. but, you know not eating anything doesnt work, I am going to eat an apple a day. that's it. nothing else. & you know what I read? drinking a glass of ice cold water every hour makes you feel full. I am going to do that everyday when I get home. & during school I am going to take a water bottle to school and take a sip of it at the end and beginning of every class. I want to be thin. I want to be gorgous.