You know...

You know...maybe being not so harsh on myself isnt working. I mean I need to insult myself in my head all day and wear revealing clothes so people will look at me weirdly and I will want to not eat. Because I mean at the beach I was wearing a bikini and my friend asked if I had lost weight, I mean I dont see how she could tell, I mean I only lost 8 pounds, then gained back about 5, then lost 3. But I saw a lot of guys looking at me in "that way". The checking you out type of way. And no, don't think thats great because guys looked at me before like that too, and guys are weird. Guys actually want a girl who isnt a stick. And I had something slip by accident when I was talking to my friend in the water. I was all like ugh I hate my fat! Because I was thinking it, But I accidently said it out loud, and she was all like you are deffinatley not fat, I wish I had your abs. And earlier when I was setting up my beach towel and she was all like I hate you, and I was like why(I allready knew what was coming because she says it all the time), and she was like because you are skinny. And I mean like come on! I mean its quite obvious how she is saying it all the time she thinks I am fat. I mean ugh! So, back to my point, I nee dto start being vicous on myself and I need to torture myself with cravings. Hey, no one said this was easy.