fuckin shit

well today is monday and saturday and sunday I like binged majorly, and threw up mjaorly. But i ate so much that i dought the throwing up even mattered. So yeah, today I didnt weigh myself out of fear so i figured i wouldnt eat today except for my usual specialk averaging 160 calories a day. But, today i ate that for breakfast, and then dinner came around and i was like starving so i te this 100 calorie ice cream bar, and 2 small bowls of cereal. yuck! well at least it is les than i ate yesterday. I mean this is soo not like me. i usually never binge like this. Well, i cant expect myelf to go eating all that to eating nothgin today. Well, tomorrow I will deffinatley go back to my normal schedule. And I am not weighing myself, but next monday I am, and if I am not 100 by then, well, I well i listed what I will have to do below. Make myself throw up at the end of the day, and not eat 1 morsel the whole day. And drink that giant water bottle full of water. So yeah. I have no idea what I weigh now, but I bet its more than the last time i weighed ymself and it was 106. Ugh idk. well lets just say I have to loose 6 pounds this week minimum. Well my plans for all this week to get me to not eat is I will make a list of things to do when I am feeling hungry:

Here is what I need to do everyday vwhen I get home to keep myself busy:
-read for at least 30minutes
-do homework
-read 1 magazine
-go on computer for at least 1 hour
-watch tv for 1 hour
-take a warm or cold shower
-wash face
-experiment with make-up
-listen to radio
-try on clothes
-do 100 crunches at least

and on days i feel like i really need it, take adderal right when i get home(to do homework and control cravings)

also, I feel so much like throwing up right now but i figure ill give my throat a break after this weekend. But i so desperatley want to. ugh! idk what to do. Their is this person that i recently have been talking to and ill ask him what i should do, by then it may be too late too throw it up but ill make myself.